LA FITNESS

At 133 pounds, I am at least 20 pounds heavier than most of the girls I meet out here. WHAT ARE YOU GIRLS DOING?? Whatever it is, I want to know! I'll try anything short of the Hollywood coke diet.

My mother has urged me to get a job at the gym so I don’t get fat while looking for a real work. Thanks, Mom! What are you trying to say? I guess it’s the same message my Sevens are trying to send as they choke my kidneys. I’ve tried eating naked so I’ll be reminded with every bite of the caloric consequences, but even that doesn’t curb the constant cravings.

KEEP ME LOOKING LITE AND EATING RIGHT WITH YOUR HEALTHY EATING TIPS AND TRICKS.

Working out is another uphill battle. I pretend I’m getting exercise when I take the easy route up and down Runyon Canyon once a month. When I realized that wouldn’t cut it, I bit the bullet and stopped by the gym. After a forty minute sales game, I wound up getting a “great low price” on my membership, which happens to be the same low price as all their other members. Thank you, LA Fitness!

My goal is to go to the gym at least 4 times a week, running at least a mile and a half each time. After the jog, I do some crunches, then walk home. The problem is, I’m motivated to do this no more than twice a week, and I’ll use any excuse to cut it short. Monday’s excuse- the creepy dude with the pink legwarmers. I’m all for Equal Opportunity Exercise, but come on! I’m 90% sure this guy is a registered sex offender, cut off jean shorts and all. I left for my own good.

HOW DO YOU WORK IT OUT?

I look at my skeletal boyfriend and wish he’d grow a beer belly already so I wouldn’t feel so bad about myself. Somehow he thinks of me as a jogging partner. Um, what is it about my gently used sneakers and handy asthma inhaler that screams jogger? It is a BAD IDEA. Nothing good can come of it. As I wheeze and gasp three blocks behind my ‘jogging partner’ my vision blurs and I often see horns and a tale poking through his gym shorts. And what does he see? A sweaty, disheveled monster, hoping to be put out of her misery. There’s nothing sexy about it. So until I build up some endurance, my jogging partners are going to be Beyonce, Justin Timberlake and The Black Eyed Peas.

WHO’S ON YOUR WORKOUT PLAYLIST?