HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

How many times have you walked into a store this holiday season, gritted your teeth, and replied "just looking. No. Juuust looking."

Can we please do some research to find out if customer harassment boosts sales? Maybe it does. Overeager retail associates make me want to hightail it from Neiman Marcus' Needless Markups to a low-pressure TJ Maxx. Don't be surprised if your gifts from me have that overstock glow! :)

Oh, Snap!

I hate that I love this.

WEDDING WEIGHT LOSS

I don’t know when the big day is, where it will be, or what colors we’ll wear. What I do know, is I need to make a vow to get in shape.

Time to start working out in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, as long as the rolls shall live.

I DO have ab flab. * I DO want to lose it. * I DO have at least 8 months to trim down. * I DO NOT KNOW HOW.

Help a fatty out! Should I try a raw foods diet? Master Cleanse? Atkins?

For me, some things do taste almost as good as skinny feels. In fact, most things do.

ANY DIET TIPS OR HEALTHY RECIPES? IF SO, PLEASE SHARE!

IT'S CUTE AND ALL

But "talk to the moose?" Am I missing something? Are people saying "talk to the moose" these days?

DON’T PET MY PEEVE

Ever make the mistake of sharing a pet peeve with someone who thinks it’s funny? Ya know, the kind of jerk who brings it up every time you see each other; tells people about it; won’t let you forget it? Maybe it's better to suffer alone.

Nah, maybe not. I’m not particularly peevy, but there are a few things that drive me crazy.

WHAT ARE WE DOING TODAY, BRAIN?

"Same thing we do every day, Pinky..."

Almost every week day for the past 6 months has been like an episode of Pinky & The Brain. Each morning I devise a plan to take over the world. Every day I fail. If insanity means doing the same thing but expecting different results, I guess I have gone insane with this job search.

DO YOU HAVE ANY JOB SEARCH TIPS?

Like Whitney Houston, Rihanna, and winter Uggs, my blog is back! Oh, the places I've been. Read on for all the updates!

When I moved to LA, a friend assured me that Runyon Canyon is a great place to get exercise and meet guys. I was skeptical, as I’ve heard the same about Hustler and Jumbo’s Clown Room. Well, she was right. I met my boyfriend for the first time on a hot day at Runyon Canyon. A year and a half later, we ventured back to the scene of the crime for a picnic and HE PROPOSED!

I'M A QUITTER

I tasted employment! For one tense, toxic, terrible month, I had a real paying job in LA!

::Thank you, thank you::

Too bad my boss was a bit of a mad man; the kind of guy who doesn’t know how not to be a wiener. Meryl Streep did what she cold to portray this type of person, but I can say from experience, The Devil Wears Wingtips.

Fortunately, he utilized my skill set effectively by giving me meaningful chores like dish washing, gift wrapping and grocery shopping. Filling my 12 hour days with wearisome tasks on top of running an already busy desk would be no big deal, if it weren’t for the putrid air of arrogance filling the hideously decorated, mouse infested halls of his noxious office. My discomfort with the egomaniac’s snide comments, petty squabbles, ridiculous requests and unbelievably short temper was punctuated by 6 AM phone calls and pestering weekend texts. Though I knew the job would entail some exasperating tasks, I never fathomed the amount of needless brow beating and discomfort a single person could inflict on a staff for no good reason.

THICK SKIN

A few people at the company commented that I just needed to develop a thick skin. (Said people will need thick skin too, as they will not be asked back next season.) I have skin smoothing serums, exfoliating scrubs, pore eliminating masks… Neutrogenia’s Skin Thickening Cream isn’t sold over the counter. And if this potion did exist- I don’t want to be coarse. How am I to gently stroke inflated egos with a calloused hand?

I have no experience with abuse. I don’t flourish in the face of degradation. And seriously- I shouldn’t have to. This is TV, folks! I would’ve enlisted if I wanted a drill sergeant. No pay check (no matter how tiny!) is worth a complete loss of self respect.

As the child of federal employees, I’ve caught a glimpse at those who negotiate vital international agreements. I’ve seen serious national policies being debated. What strikes me is that those issues were handled humbly with an air of tactful diplomacy and respect for all parties. How refreshing!

For a long time, the Hollywood machine has been permitted to run on the backs of overly eager 20-somethings who are tempted by empty promises of celebrity. With so many souls for sale, how can a budding Hollywood Exec be expected to show any restraint? This system has allowed for a complete erosion of etiquette.

Let’s class it up, people!

After months of unemployment, quitting was a tough decision. I have had some wonderful work experiences with incredible people. Those experiences empowered me. They reminded me that there is no reason to slave away for a snotty soul crusher in a position that offers no benefits- no health insurance, no direct deposit, and most importantly- no dignity.

Thanks to all the super supervisors and cool coworkers who came before! You showed me how it’s done.

Guess it's back to the soup kitchen for me.