THE CLOCK

SCRAMBLED EGGS

Last week, after a very interesting interview for this job, I returned home to find a very mature woman giving birth on The Learning Channel. Statistics kept popping up about all the risks associated with having babies late in life. Watching a poor, age-spotted, grey haired woman giving birth with informative blips about the likelihood of birth defects really rattled me. Here I am, fighting tooth-and-nail for jobs I’m scared of, when maybe I should redirect this attention to finding domestic stability. Suddenly, the window is closing. The clock is ticking. The heat is on.

At this rate, I’ll have crusty geriatric eggs by the time I’m married. Incessant lap top use is probably frying my ovaries. I don’t want to give birth to a Benjamin Button!

SHOULD CAREER TAKE A BACK SEAT TO FAMILY?

CONSOLATION BABY

It’s very possible that I‘ll wet my pants at work. Maybe I’ll be promoted. Maybe I’ll be fired. I’ll definitely get humiliated a few times along the way. But at least I now have a consolation prize. When/if this job falls through, I am going to buy myself a ring if I have to, and convince a strapping young man to give me the babies I’m almost too old to have.

Until then, I’ve got to figure out how to dress for this job.

WHAT WOULD YOU WEAR ON YOUR FIRST DAY OF A NEW JOB?